


Delirium

by Piletre (Tvist)



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Angst, Fever, Gen, Happy Ending, Medical, Nightmares, Oliver Whump, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sick Character, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-09
Updated: 2017-07-24
Packaged: 2018-11-29 23:41:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11451495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tvist/pseuds/Piletre
Summary: They had just moved in to their nice suburbia house when Oliver finally succumbed to the fact that he was sick. Felicity had been waiting for him to admit it and for him to finally crash.She didn’t expect him to crash just as hard as he did though, but knowing Oliver, she shouldn’t have expected him to do anything the easy way.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry for taking so long to update, and for breaking Oliver. I'll put him back together when I'm done. Promise;-)

They had just moved in to their nice suburbia house when Oliver finally succumbed to the fact that he was sick. Felicity had been waiting for him to admit it and for him to finally crash. 

She didn’t expect him to crash just as hard as he did though, but knowing Oliver she shouldn’t have expected him to do anything the easy way. 

It started in the middle of the night with violent shivers wracking Oliver, waking Felicity in the process. She’d been worried about his cough for a week, but Oliver had claimed he was fine. But his teeth rattling from the fever rising told her he clearly wasn’t. 

“Hey, Oliver! You’re shaking.” Reaching for him, touching his forehead she exclaimed; “you’re burning up!” 

The bedside light illuminated her boyfriend and it scared her to see his grayish complexion as he coughed and tried to catch his breath. 

“Oliver, talk to me!” Felicity needed him to say something. 

“I’m okay…just….cold,” Oliver kept shaking. 

“Well, you’re not okay; I’ll get you some Advil and another blanket.” 

Oliver looked miserable when she returned with a glass of water, pills and a thick comforter she wrapped around him. He was sitting up, his back against the headboard, couching violently. Swallowing the pills with a few sips of water, Felicity made him drink up the whole glass, before she took it from him putting it on the side table. 

She sat down beside him on the bed, facing him. Her hand on his cheek, she felt his flushed skin against hers, rubbing his stubble she felt him lean into her. 

“You need to sleep Oliver; hopefully you’ll feel better in the morning.” 

Felicity hoped he would get some rest, but knew from experience his demons usually surfaced when he got sick like this. When his carefully built defenses were down, his body too tired to keep up. Contracting some kind of virus on Bali he’d had nightmares keeping them both awake for a few nights. 

She knew he feared them. 

“Sleep, Oliver, I’ll wake you, okay?” She managed get him to look her in the eye by turning his head towards her, with the hand she still had on his chin. 

“Okay…thank you.” Oliver’s eyes closed and he scooted down on his side, facing her side of the bed, as if he was seeking her out already. 

The shivering stopped eventually and Felicity found he had pushed the comforter off later in the night, when his mumblings woke her up. 

“Oliver, you’re dreaming…” She reached for his arm, “you need to wake up.”

His breathing changed, a sign of him waking up. 

“How do you feel,” she asked as she turned over on her side, even without her glasses on she could tell he was feeling like crap, as he was willing away the images of his dream. 

He was always so quiet after one of his nightmares, like they made him loose his words. 

“I’m okay, warm, head hurts,” he finally answered. 

“Yeah, want to get up? I can sit with you if you’d like company?” Felicity knew he’d refuse but she asked anyway. 

Oliver was already up on his feet, his t-shirt sticking to his back, his boxers low slung on his hips. He looked like could use more sleep, but she knew he wouldn’t get anymore tonight. 

“No, you go back to sleep, I’ll just watch some football or something.” 

She could hear him as he made his way to the living room, his movements in the dark too quiet, but his cough giving him away. 

Felicity managed to fall asleep after a while listening to the TV downstairs, knowing Oliver had found his way to the couch. 

She woke with the light, early in the morning. Remembering Oliver’s fever and nightmare earlier in the night, she got up to check on him. 

Oliver was on the couch, the TV was on with the sound muted. A blanket was covering his legs, as he was snoring softly. His breathing was raspy and fast, and Oliver never snored! He was most definitely feverish; she could see his temples were sweaty. 

Felicity wanted him to get more rest but she was now officially worried about him. Oliver might have something more serious than just a cold. 

“Oliver, wake up.” 

He just groaned. His wet coughing scaring her, it seemed even worse than the night before. 

“Hey, please, just….Come on, wake up for me for a second.” She proceeded to shake Oliver’s shoulder but he just wouldn’t wake up. 

“Oliver!!! Please! Wake Up!!” She was shaking him violently, trying to get him to respond. 

He didn’t respond. Felicity had always been a great multitasker, so she managed to get her phone, dial 911, while still shaking Oliver to try and rouse him.

The arrival of the paramedics and the ambulance ride is a blur, but she’ll forever remember the wait for help. 

Tbc!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments and kudos! More self indulgent sick Oliver coming up;-)

Oliver coming back to consciousness in a foreign place, while with a high fever, was something Felicity hoped she’d never witness. But here she was, trailing behind the stretcher as the paramedics brought Oliver into the ER. Oliver had barely opened his eyes during the ride, but he was now feebly pulling at the restraining strap across his chest that kept him in place. 

Why did he always do things the hard way?

He was wheeled into a large room where a team of nurses and doctors looked ready to attack him. The paramedics gave their report about Oliver to the team that was standing ready to take care of him, and their words made Felicity even more worried. 

She could tell by the number of people surrounding Oliver that they thought he had something else then the common cold. 

Oliver was moved over on the bed after a minute of talking with the person by the head of the bed counting loudly to direct the orchestrated affair that was about to start. Oliver didn’t react until he was touched by several hands at once. Felicity could see the moment he was conscious enough to realize that he was surrounded. His eyes flew open, his body tensed, and he immediately came up fighting. 

“Whoa! Give him some room!” the green clad doctor at the head of the bed was thankfully clear headed enough to see what was about to happen. 

Oliver’s eyes were cloudy as they found the exit and by luck that was where Felicity was standing watching her boyfriend with trepidation. He immediately shifted his legs over the side of the bed, sitting up, he swayed and his breathing was labored and sounded wet. 

“Okay, Mr. Queen? You’re at Ivy Town General Hospital, you’re running a high fever and we’d like to help you.” 

Oliver looked over at the doctor in green, after a few seconds of what seemed to be threat assessment; he turned to the exit again, his hands holding tightly on to the bed. He looked so lost Felicity couldn’t help moving towards him. 

“Oliver? Come on, let them help you.” She tried, seeing his tense shoulder relax a fraction as she came closer standing in front of him, her thighs touching his knees. 

“Sorry, I just…” Oliver shook his head, his bloodshot eyes searching hers, trying to make sense of what was going on. “Thought I was somewhere else…for a second..” He looked back at the doctor at the head of the bed again, “I’m okay, just…uh…give me a minute.” 

The leader of the team made most of the personnel in the room leave, as Oliver was up and talking he wasn’t in critical condition and would probably do better with less people crowding him. 

Felicity got to stay, as everyone thought Oliver would do better with her in the room, she had an obvious calming effect on the patient. 

Oliver seemed to deflate and crash completely once the adrenaline rush left him. He sagged against Felicity, making her wobble and take a step back to take on the extra weight of him leaning against her. This made the medical types step into action again. They worked around Felicity, helping Oliver out of his t-shirt, putting a pulse oximeter clip on Oliver’s finger, making the monitor above the bed come to life. 

“Why don’t you lie back down Oliver? I’ll stay, alright?” Felicity smiled at him, trying to convey more composed then she felt as the monitor was showing Oliver’s heartrate and oxygen levels. 

He was definitely not okay! 

His heart was racing; she could feel every breath he took rattling in his chest. Oliver complied; he seemed to understand where he was and what was going on. 

An oxygen mask appeared, obscuring his greyish face. Oliver didn’t flinch when two IV’s were started and blood drawn. Felicity felt sick with every drop of blood they drew, but was relieved that he was getting help. A chest x-ray was performed and soon antibiotics were dripping into Oliver’s veins, hopefully making him better fast. 

Felicity answered most of the doctor’s questions, as Oliver concentrated on breathing; he seemed to have turned his focus inward, tuning out what was going on around him. She knew his medical details, as she’d seen his file, hacked a long time ago, just to be safe. 

His scars made the doctor think Oliver was a military veteran, but Felicity set him straight, reminding him about a certain billionaire stranded on an island for five years. 

“Oh, right. I thought the name was familiar.” The doctor looked down at Oliver, his eyebrows raised in surprise. 

They were only three people left in the room. Felicity tried to tell the doctor in a discreet way that Oliver might have some trouble with nightmares. 

“Oh, right, I can see he’s been through a lot.” Gesturing to Oliver’s scarred torso, he looked up at Felicity and she sensed he understood what she was worried about. 

“Yeah he’s been through hell, well, kind of.” Felicity didn’t want to give too much away as Oliver didn’t like talking about this to strangers, or even her. 

“He’s a bit high strung, sort of.” Oliver really wasn’t, he just got a bit arrowy by default when his defenses were down. 

“Okay, we’ll try to make him as comfortable as possible while he’s with us. I’ll go make arrangements for a private room. You’ll stay with him?” 

“Of course, if possible I’d like to stay with him.” Felicity would stay by his side for as long as they let her. 

Oliver looked like he was finally sleeping peacefully. The blood pressure cuff inflating not waking him up was worrisome, but she was happy he was getting some rest. 

With only a nurse left in the room, monitoring Oliver closely, Felicity got to study him more closely. His face was still ashen, his lips slightly parted under the mask delivering oxygen, eyes closed his eyelashes dark against his skin. Oliver’s hands were relaxed, and she held on to his right one, needing the connection. 

His chest rose and fell with each breath that seemed to have slowed down considerably. The now exposed skin on his chest was flushed with fever, his scars standing out even more as they seemed more angry red. 

“Shhhh, just sleep, everything fine,” she whispered, as his head turned towards her, a worry wrinkle appearing between his eyes. His heart rate calmed down again. 

The doctor appeared after a few moments. Oliver Queen had pneumonia; he would be closely monitored because of respiratory failure and low blood pressure. He had waited too long, until his body failed before getting help, and in reality it was Felicity that had saved his life. 

Felicity felt tears fall; she wiped them away as she looked down at her boyfriend. She was going to have word with Oliver when this was over about ignoring his health. 

Oliver was moved to a private room on the fourth floor. He slept through the whole thing, only waking briefly as his new nurse welcomed him to the ward, checking his vitals, hooking him up to the monitors and oxygen in the room. 

Felicity got a recliner to sit in beside him, watching over him. She thought about calling Thea and Diggle, but decided to wait until she dared to leave Oliver alone. 

From the way he was starting to toss and turn after a while she knew he wasn’t ready yet.


	3. Chapter 3

No one really knows everything Oliver’s been through, besides Oliver of course. And he’s not someone who shares easily; he keeps most things bottled up. Felicity’s only heard bits and pieces, deduced the rest from his hints and scars, from his surprising knowledge of things she doesn’t master. She’s put together some of the puzzle that is Oliver Queen, but there’s still a god chunk left to put together. 

She knows his quirks and special talents, and she loves all of them. Even his annoying practice of seeking out the spot in any room that gives the best view of all the entrances. She knows it’s a habit, and those are hard to break, especially when they’ve kept you alive for so long. 

Oliver is the strongest person she knows. His battle scars and the fact that he’s alive and able to love her, despite losing almost everyone he cares about, is a testament to his resilience. But it all comes with a price, one that he’s paying regularly, as living isn’t for the weak. 

There was an adjustment or transition period when they left Starling City. He needed time to turn off the arrow persona. It did lead to some interesting situations, especially when they were robbed, he’d put the Fear of God into those muggers, in a way no one had before, she was sure. 

The nightmares, the hyper-vigilance and flashbacks had diminished with time. And yes, they were flashbacks, she was sure. When he’d completely zone out and couldn’t be reached by anything but touch, he was flashing back to the past. He never admitted it, but Felicity had done her research. 

The object of her affection was stirring in the bed beside her. It was getting dark outside, Oliver had slept on and off for a few hours. He was still running a fever, alternating between sweating and shivering. The nurse had checked his temperature just a short while ago, shaking her head at Felicity when she’d asked if it was going down. 

“Oliver? Are you awake?” 

His hand moved to push at the oxygen mask, his eyes still closed, it seemed like he wasn’t quite with her yet. 

“No, no, don’t, you still need that,” she pushed his hand down on the bed again, saving the mask from being pulled off. 

An annoyed expression on Oliver’s face appeared after a minute and she knew she’d lost. His hand slipped out of hers, again with a perfect aim towards the mask covering his mouth and nose. Instead of arguing she helped him pull it down to rest on his chin, at least he’d get some additional oxygen that way. 

“Hey, I know you’re waking up, why don’t you just open your eyes for me?” Felicity whispered, seeing he was on the edge between waking and sleep. 

Oliver’s eyes opened slowly, looking up at the ceiling for a few moments before drifting around the room until he found Felicity. 

“Hi.” Felicity couldn’t help the smile on her face at seeing him awake. She’d missed him despite knowing he needed sleep. 

“Hi,” Oliver’s voice was raspy, and talking made him cough. 

“Here, have some water,” holding a glass with a straw up to his lips, he took a few sips, his eyes closing as he swallowed. 

“Thank you. What’s going on?” 

“Pneumonia, that’s what’s going on. You spiked an impressive fever, I couldn’t wake you up.” 

Oliver grabbed her hand, “sorry, I thought I was getting better…” another coughing fit hit Oliver, making an alarm sound above their heads, from the monitor. 

Felicity could see that his oxygen levels had dropped, most likely causing the alarm to go off. A nurse entered Oliver’s room only a few moments later to check on him. 

“Mr. Queen, how do you feel? Remember we spoke earlier?” Oliver’s brow furrowed in concentration as he tried to remember the events of the day. 

“I remember you…just kind of fuzzy on the details.”

“Yeah, your fever’s been high all day and you’ve been a bit confused,” she busied herself with changing Oliver over on a nasal cannula, to get his oxygen levels back up, and the alarm to stop blaring. 

She proceeded to ask Oliver more questions to see how he was doing. He seemed lucid enough, just incredibly tired. He was brought a tray of food a few minutes after the nurse had left. 

Felicity watched as he tried to eat, but he didn’t seem to have any appetite. He fell asleep before he’d finished the food he’d been served. 

He looked so peaceful Felicity decided to leave him alone to get something to eat in the cafeteria. She stopped by the nurse’s station to talk to Mary, Oliver’s nurse. 

“He seems to be sleeping so I’m going to go get some food.”

“Okay, that’s good, remember to take care of yourself as well as him.” Mary smiled at Felicity, she seemed nice. 

“Could you maybe just look in on him while I’m gone? If he gets restless, could you call me? He gets nightmares, and I’m afraid he’ll react badly now that he’s sick and all.” 

“Of course, I’ll call if there seems to be any trouble, it’s very good of you to stay, I heard he was bit out of it in the ER and the doctor ordered a sedative if he has any trouble.”

“Oh okay, well, just call me if anything happens.” Felicity left her number, even if she knew it was probably already registered in the computer. With a final look in on Oliver she left to get some dinner. 

!*!*!*!*!*!*!  
Oliver felt heavy, he knew he was lying down because there was a soft mattress beneath him, but he instinctively knew he wasn’t home in his own bed. His head hurt, well scratch that he thought to himself, he hurt all over. 

Exploring his surroundings by just lying there, listening to what was going on around him. He was surprised by how heavy his eyelids were when he tried to open them. He was greeted by white walls, dimmed lights, the curtains drawn. 

His brain felt muddled, like there was something important missing but he couldn’t get to it. As he reconnected with his body he felt more than just the achy feel of fever. There were tiny stabs of pain where two IV’s punctured his skin, one in the crook of his left elbow, the other on the back of his hand. He followed the tubing of the one going to up to a bag of clear fluid hanging above him. 

Trying to make sense of what was going on and what had happened was difficult. He felt the tendrils of panic creep up on him, his heart speeding up, and his breaths coming faster. Oliver’s brain was telling him to move, to get out of there, and his body was moving as if on autopilot. He needed to get out of there before they came back. 

Moving to get out of the bed, he pulled off every constricting tube and lead. He knew he’d have to move fast as an alarm sounded; they would be looking for him any second now. 

Adrenaline rushed as he got up, his head was spinning, and he felt like he was moving on a boat. His mind flashed back to the Gambit, the night when his life had changed forever. Scrambling for hold, Oliver grabbed on to whatever he could find. He almost stumbled as he got to the door, pulling the handle he looked out into the corridor, there were people already on their way towards him, he knew he needed to move fast if he was going to get out of there. 

“Mister Queen? Oliver! Stop!” 

Oliver could hear them calling for him, but he only knew he needed to get out of there. Whatever was going on, he needed to get away, to go somewhere he could get his thoughts together. 

He escaped though the first open door he could find. 

!*!*!*!*!*!*!

Felicity had just finished her dinner when her phone came to life. She immediately knew something was wrong with Oliver as the number on the screen flashed at her. 

She shot up from the chair she was sitting on before she’d answered the call, making her way back to the ward Oliver was on. 

“He what!!” she said as Mary told her of Oliver’s disappearing act. They’d lost him as he escaped down the stairs. Security was looking for him, along with several nurses and orderlies. 

Felicity ran to Oliver’s room and booted up her computer. Hacking the security cameras of the hospital would be no challenge normally, but with shaking hands it took her longer than normal. 

Scanning for Oliver she caught a glimpse of him as he opened a door on the second floor and got in. Now knowing where he was she immediately went to get him. 

“He’s on the second floor, I saw him enter one of the linen rooms.” Felicity informed Mary, the nurse responsible for Oliver’s care. 

“Okay, I’ll alert security and Dr. Wilson, he’s the one who’s on call tonight and saw Oliver in the ER.”

Felicity ran, thankful she’d put on flats when she left the house early that morning. When she arrived at the floor where she’d spotted Oliver, she realized she wasn’t the first one to find him. Two security Officers were already in the door, and a male nurse was trying to reason with Oliver. 

They were closing in on him from two sides, cornering Oliver, and she knew what was about to happen if she couldn’t stop them. 

“Stop!! Just stop, don’t touch him.” Felicity grabbed the arm of the nurse closest to Oliver but was too late to stop him from touching Oliver. 

Before Felicity could do anything the nurse was on the ground, grunting from pain, as Oliver retreated further into the room. 

Felicity followed Oliver, trying to form a barrier between Oliver and the people trying to get to him. 

Oliver looked completely exhausted. As he reached a corner of the room, he slid down with his back to the wall, landing on his butt. His eyes closed for a moment as he tried to gather his strength again. 

“Oliver? It’s me, Felicity.” Crouching down Felicity hoped she’d get through to him and stop anyone from hurting him, and him from hurting them. 

“You’re okay, were at the hospital, you’re sick, pneumonia, remember?” 

Oliver’s eyes opened, and the look he gave her made tears form in her eyes. He was scared, he was panicking. 

“Oliver, relax, no one is going to hurt you, I’m here,” Felicity could see that Oliver recognized her. But she still kept her distance giving him time to adjust. 

A hand on her shoulder startled her. Looking up she found the doctor that had treated Oliver in the ER. 

“We need to get him calmed down; he can hurt himself or someone else like this. Can you get him to accept a sedative, if we can get him to sleep…” 

Felicity hated this, but knew the doctor was right, Oliver needed help. Nodding she accepted what the doctor was proposing. He showed her a syringe filled with white fluid. 

“He pulled out his IV’s so I need to start a new one to get him under.”

Felicity knew what she had to do, turning towards Oliver again, she could see he was watching what was going on around him with the intense concentration. 

“Oliver…I’m going to come over there, alright…you know me, I won’t hurt you.” She started to get closer; her knees hurting from crawling on the cement floor.

Oliver looked at her with trepidation, his eyes searching hers, looking for her intentions. 

“Oliver, look at me, do you know who I am?”

He was hugging himself with his arms tight around his chest, his knees drawn up. A few coughs wracked his frame, reminding her how sick he really was. 

“Felicity…” Was all he said, silent tears fell from his eyes as he said her name. 

“Yes, it’s me; I’m coming closer, alright?” A small nod was all the confirmation she needed, so she got close enough to touch his arm. 

Oliver startled at her touch and squeezed even further into the corner. 

“Hey, relax. No one is here to hurt you. Oliver, you know me, I’ll never let them hurt you.” 

Nodding his head, Oliver loosened his arms, and let Felicity pull him into her arms. 

He was burning up; his body was like a furnace against hers. His head seemed to loll against her, as he seemed to have lost his last reserves. 

“Okay, Dr. Wilson is going to come over here and give you some medicine. Just so that you’ll feel better.” Felicity felt like a traitor, but knew this was the only solution at the moment. 

Oliver nodded his head, and the doctor came closer, his practiced hands reaching for Oliver. 

Felicity could feel Oliver tense up again as soon as the doctor grabbed his hand to insert the line. “It’s going to be okay, focus on me.” With a hand on the nape of his neck she made him look her in the eyes. 

“Okay, just a small poke of a needle,” the doctor was efficient and the IV port was in without Oliver reacting. 

“Everyone quiet.” Wilson said to everyone in the room, as he pushed the contents of the syringe into the IV. 

Felicity kept her eyes on Oliver’s and could see the moment the drug started to work. It was like he was falling away from her. His body was going lax in her arms and he was struggling to keep his eyes open. He was trying to grab on to her, his hands finding her sweater, holding on for dear life. 

“Felicity…don’t.” He was losing the fight against the drugs. “Please…” was the last word he said before he lost consciousness. 

As soon as Oliver was asleep nurses and orderlies stepped in and got Oliver onto a gurney, placing him on his side, checking his vitals, putting an oxygen mask back on him. 

Felicity held on to his hand, needing him close.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I haven't mangled this too much. Read with self care! this is filled with angst.

They put Oliver in the intensive care unit after his escape attempt. Wanting him to sleep, so that he’d be less likely to get confused and hurt himself, or someone else, was their priority. 

When Dr. Wilson explained that they want to intubate and help Oliver breathe just to be safe, Felicity reluctantly agreed. This way they’d be sure to put him under so deep he’d maybe forget what had happened and he wouldn’t wake up in a panicked state. They could also make sure he’d get the treatment he needed, enough oxygen and antibiotics. 

“We’re going to give him a combination of pain medication and a strong sedative; he’ll be deeply asleep I promise. If the fever is gone and his lungs are improving we’ll wake him up tomorrow.”

Felicity knew that this was the best option after what had happened before. But the thought of Oliver drugged and vulnerable made her feel like she’d let him down.

Oliver looked peaceful at the moment. They had placed him on his side, with pillows behind his back to keep him in place. The mask obscuring his slack features was fogging up with each breath he took. They’d removed his shirt, placing leads on his chest to monitor his heart and breathing. 

Nurses were flitting around the room making everything ready to intubate him and help him through the night. Oliver’s run through the corridors had exhausted him, his breathing was worse, his blood pressure low. 

Touching his brow she could see he was struggling to open his eyes, Oliver was going to wake up soon if they didn’t give him more drugs. She knew she should tell them, but she needed to tell him how much she loved him one more time. 

Her hand sliding down to his cheek seemed to do the trick; blue eyes looked at her, his hands moving to reach for her. 

“Hi, you’re okay, just relax, I know you’re confused but I’m here. I’ll stay this time.”

Oliver started to move, his arms trying to get a hold of something to help him up. Felicity knew she only had a few moments with him before they’d put him under again. 

One of the nurses noticed he had woken up and alerted the doctor who orderd more of the sedative. They were ready to do the procedure. 

“Felicity, you should leave for a while, he’s in good hands. I’ll come get you when we’ve got him settled again.”

Felicity held on to Oliver’s hand as it gwent lax in hers from the medication they’d given him. She didn’t want to leave, but watching the doctor put a tube down his airway wasn’t something she needed to remember.  
“I love you,” she whispered in his ear. 

Reluctantly she left for the waiting room to get a cup of coffee, and maybe place a call to the people closest to Oliver, besides her. 

!*!*!*!*!*!*!

She managed to make Thea stay in Starling city despite the fact that she knows Thea is scared to death of losing Oliver. Holding back some of the details she’s able to calm Oliver’s baby sister down. John was a different story. He’d been so angry with Oliver, but he’s still kept in touch with Felicity. 

Felicity needed to hear his voice, for someone to tell her that everything would be okay. John was always sort of a father figure or maybe big brother figure in her life. 

“He was so scared and confused…and so sick…” she tried to stop crying but hearing Johns voice had made the dam break. 

“Felicity, he’s strong and healthy, he’ll get through this. He has you, just try to ground him, help him stay, not slide back into his memories.”

Diggle’s always had a great insight into Oliver’s psyche, some secret understanding of what was going on with him. He obviously still cared for Oliver, despite what had happened before they’d left Starling. Felicity knew Oliver missed John, but he never complained, just accepted his punishment of silence for what he’d done. 

“I know, but I’m not sure I can, he still has nightmares you know, he wasn’t not magically fixed just because he put the hood away.”

“I know Felicity, it’s something he’s going to carry with him, but don’t lose hope, just be there for him. “ 

“Okay, I’ll call if there’s any change, but John please talk to him someday, he misses you.”

“He knows my number Felicity. Take care of yourself and call if there’s anything I can do for you.”

She felt a bit calmer after hearing friendly voices. Diggle was still holding a grudge, but Felicity could count on his support if she needed it, and that made her feel less alone in the world. 

!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!

Oliver looked horrible, not moving, his mouth obscured by the tube, the machine breathing and delivering oxygen, made a hissing sound, it was all very unnerving. The nurses were around all the time, checking on him, adjusting the doses of medication, making sure he was as comfortable as possible. 

“You can touch him, talk to him, you won’t disturb anything, we’ll let you know if we need you to move or leave.” The nurse smiled at her, trying to give her some courage to come closer to Oliver’s bed. 

“Thanks, does he know, or I mean, can he hear me?” She knew it might be a naïve question, as Oliver seemed to be oblivious to all that was being done to him. 

“He just might, he’s heavily sedated, but you never know what he’ll react to.”

Taking his hand she could feel he was warm and alive. A chair appeared behind her, sitting down she kept her hand firmly on his arm, needing the connection.

At 5 a.m. Oliver’s fever broke. Felicity was beyond tired; the nurses had tried to get her to sleep for a few hours as Oliver was doing well. She’d been dosing on and off in the chair by his bed, but she was growing too tired to keep her hand in his. 

“Get some sleep Felicity; we’ve made up the cot in the room next door. I’ll wake you up if there’s any change.”

Reluctantly she left Oliver’s side and got some much needed rest. She didn’t know how much time had passed when she felt a hand on her arm, shaking her slightly waking her up. 

“Felicity? You need to wake up.” Jennifer, one of the nurses that cared for Oliver the night before was trying to wake her. 

Felicity soon understood where she was and remembered what had happened the day before. 

“Is Oliver alright? Did something happen?” Felicity felt panic rise in her chest, her heart speeding up. 

“Oliver is fine, you’ve slept for five hours so I thought I’d wake you up and get you to eat something.” Jennifer smiled at her, trying to make Felicity calm down. 

“Oh, well...right, how is he doing?”

“Better, his lung function is improving. He’s growing a bit restless; he’s kind of hard to keep asleep so we’ve had up his medication.”

“Thank god! I need to see him,” Felicity got up from the cot she’d been sleeping on, trying to get the wrinkles out of her clothes she followed Jennifer to where Oliver was. 

The head of the bed was slightly raised; his face slack the tube was still going into his mouth. She noticed his skin wasn’t flushed with fever anymore. 

Moving over to him, she checked the numbers on the monitor above the head of the bed. His oxygen levels were higher then she’d seen them since they arrived at the hospital. Looking back at his face, she could see that there was a wrinkle of discomfort on his features, a grimace of distress or pain, she couldn’t tell. 

Taking a hold of his hand she could feel him grab on to her, just a tiny clutch of his hand, but he was there. 

“Hi Oliver, I’m here now, just relax.” 

Felicity kept his hand in hers while she threaded the fingers of her other hand through his hair, rubbing his scalp, whispering words of comfort. Oliver looked like he was starting to relax from the expression on his face, but his hand was still clutching hers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's another chapter or two of this. I'm incredibly nervous posting, so knowing if people are actually enjoying or not would be very helpful.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Read with self care! Still angsty and hopefully I will not scare anyone away with this.

“Is he supposed to be moving?” Felicity asked Jennifer, worried that Oliver was uncomfortable but unable to tell them. 

“He’s supposed to be pretty deep, what is he doing?”

“Holding my hand, his face, he looked like he was uncomfortable, he seems to be more relaxed now though.” Felicity, kept comforting him, her hand still in his hair. 

“Okay, I’ll up the dose of his sedative a bit, we’ve been tapering down on the pain medication so that we’ll be able to extubate him later in the day. He’s triggering the vent, and is mostly breathing on his own.”

Jennifer did something to one of the many pumps connected to Oliver’s IV’s. Felicity could feel Oliver’s hand go slack in hers. 

“He let go of my hand,” Felicity turned at Jennifer, who was watching the monitors. 

“Yeah, he’s sleeping a bit deeper. We’ll let him rest for a few more hours and then we’ll wake him up and pull the tube.”

Felicity nodded her head in affirmation, she wanted him extubated and awake right now, but knew he needed all the rest he could get. She feared his reaction waking up, after what had happened the night before. 

 

!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!

 

He was floating. Oliver’s senses came back in increments; he was feeling someone touching him. Tender hands on his body, his face, his chest, stomach. In the beginning he didn’t mind, his brain wasn’t working properly, he felt indifferent. 

After a while he noticed sound. It had been there all along, but his muddled head hadn’t registered it properly. As the fog was lifting he grew more and more worried about what was happening to him. 

His throat hurt, and the sudden realization that there was something plastic stuck in his mouth, going along his tongue, and down his throat made him start to gag. Motor function came back to his hands and arms, as he instinctively reach and pull whatever was in his throat out. 

Hands took hold of his arms, stopping him. He started to cough, the pain in his throat escalating. Opening his eyes, everything swam in front of him, but in the cacophony of faces and voices he found a familiar face.

“Look at me! Come on, calm down Oliver. Please…” Felicity was there. She was holding his right hand in hers. He had to be weak as a kitten if she was able to stop him. 

Trying to focus on Felicity was hard, as every fiber of his being screamed at him to get, what he now recognized as, a plastic tube out of his trachea. He kept gagging, his body trying to expel the thing. 

“Let’s give him a small bolus of Remifentanil…Oliver, try to relax and concentrate on breathing.” 

Oliver would have laughed if he could. How anyone would expect him to relax in this situation was beyond him! A warm feeling flooded him, as whatever they were doping him up with was starting to work. He tried to sit back and relax, his eyes closed of their own volition, but it made his brain bring up flashes of him drowning, so he forced his eyelids back up and found Felicity. 

“Hey, that’s better. You’re doing great Oliver, now I need you to take a deep breath, okay?” 

Oliver nodded his head in understanding, his head swimming from the drug they’d been pushing into him. 

He drew a deep breath and exhaled, the tube was removed and he felt himself reflexively cough. Oliver felt himself float again, too tired to keep his eyes open. 

“Fel…ciy…” He could hear himself slurring her name, hoping she was still there with him, understanding him. 

“I’m here, just sleep, we can talk more later. I’ll be here when you wake up.” 

Oliver felt himself slip, losing his grip on reality, sliding into oblivion. 

 

!*!*!*!*!*!

 

Felicity was incredibly nervous when they started the process of takin Oliver off the ventilator and taking the tube out. He’d been showing signs of waking up for a while, breathing fine without any assistance. When he started making purposeful movements, it was time to hurry up and do something before he’d pull the tube himself. 

It was kind of horrible to watch him gag and cough. But she had begged them not to throw her out of the room, telling them she could help, if he reacted badly waking up again. No one wanted a repeat performance so the begging helped. 

Hanging on to Oliver’s hand and talking to him was her job and she’d promised him to be there. Remembering his desperate please, before succumbing to the drug was still playing vividly in her mind, as she watched him struggle. 

He was moving his arms to no doubt grab the tube, but thanks to whatever medication they were giving him, she managed to keep his hand in hers. 

When Oliver’s eyes opened, tears were threatening to fall, he looked dazed but he recognized her, she was sure. 

“Look at me! Come on, calm down Oliver. Please…” She begged him. 

The doctor ordered more drugs, making Oliver’s eyes close for a moment, before he managed to force them open again, finding Felicity. 

Oliver took a deep breath as ordered and then suddenly he was trying to say her name. He looked beyond exhausted; the nurse putting a mask over his face, as again he seemed to fall away from her. But this time he looked more like he was just sleeping, not deathly ill and hooked up to a machine breathing for him. 

Everyone in the room took a deep breath in relief as it had gone very well. Oliver was breathing fine, his oxygen levels so good he was put on a nasal cannula. He was also sleeping, no tossing or turning as an indication of distress. 

The doctor wanted to wean him off the medication as soon as possible. Now that the fever was gone, the pneumonia was under control, there was less chance of Oliver getting delirious again. A small dose of an antipsychotic had been administered the night before, to maybe prevent the same from happening again. It might make him a bit tired for a day or two but it was worth it. 

Felicity was watching him sleep when two of the nurses came in, and together they managed to turn Oliver over on his side. The sheet covering him slid down and revealed his backside, Felicity tried to save his dignity, by reaching to cover him up again. Then she realized that these people had probably seen everything already. 

Poor Oliver, he’d want to leave as soon as he’d understand how exposed he’d been. 

They put pillows to keep him on his side and it was when he started to try to roll over on his back again Felicity knew he was starting to wake up. Oliver never slept on his right side, which meant having his back to the door in their bedroom at home. 

She knew his habits too well. 

“Oliver?” She got up to lean over the railing, trying to get close; she needed to see him lucid again. 

“Yeah.” He croaked, his voice gravelly and hoarse. 

“Are you with me? We’re at the hospital in Ivy Town, you got pneumonia, you’ve been really sick.” She could hear her voice going thick from the lump forming in her throat. 

“Huh? What?” Oliver’s eyes searched hers, as he was still trying to move over on his back, his left hand reaching back to push the pillows behind him away. 

“What do you remember?”

He looked thoroughly confused as he tried to remember what had happened. 

“Oh no…” he said after a moment, his hand covering his eyes. 

“Well, yeah… you staged an escape attempt late yesterday evening. But everything’s fine now, you’re better. No fever.”

Oliver kept his hand over his eyes, coughing a bit, as he tried to recapitulate what he could remember.

“Felicity, did I hurt anyone?” 

“No, everyone is fine, including you.” 

Felicity couldn’t stop herself, leaning down over him; she removed the hand he was hiding under and kissed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Hides*


	6. Chapter 6

Oliver felt like leaving. It was as if he was being kept in a fish bowl, he felt exposed. He knew he’d freaked out, and he had a vague recollection of what he’d done. 

Feeling ashamed was being drowned by the tension he now had. The coughing had kept him up some of the night. He’d been only been dozing on and off in the early morning, after Felicity finally left to go home and sleep in a real bed. Oliver had walked around the bed a few times, tried sitting in a chair instead of the bed, but sleeping wasn’t really on of his talents. 

“Mister Queen? You really should try to get some more sleep. It’s important.” 

One of the nurses stood at the door having noticed he was awake, again. What they didn’t understand was that Oliver didn’t really need much sleep, and when he did sleep, he liked to be someplace where he felt in control. And right now, the step down Unit at Ivy Town General Hospital, wasn’t that place. 

“Uh… but I’m not really tired. So maybe I could get up and have a shower or something?” He tried to put on his best puppy dog look, to maybe charm the nurse into getting his way. 

A small smile appeared on the nurses’ face as she shook her head. It’s 5 a.m. and you are still not well enough to walk around the ward without Oxygen, a shower is not in your immediate future.”

“I can do it, I’ve had worse,” Oliver regretted those words the second they left his mouth. 

“I know, but you don’t need to push yourself, now try to close your eyes and sleep. If you need anything just use the call button. I’m keeping an eye on your vitals on the monitor at our station, so no getting out of bed on your own.”

Oliver nodded, knowing he’d lost. Resigned to trying to sleep he leaned back closed his eyes. 

 

!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!

 

Felicity had slept like the dead the few hours she’d been able to sleep in her own bed. Now she was on her way to visit Oliver, a bag of his clothes and toiletries in her hand. Pushing open the door to the step down unit he was now in she could hear his voice. 

Oliver wasn’t shouting but it was suspiciously arrowy and loud for him these days. He had this authority in his voice sometimes that could make anyone give him the attention he wanted. 

But right now, this meant trouble. She speeded up and reached his little part of the ward quickly. Sha was faced with Oliver standing in only a flimsy gown, hanging on to the IV pole with his right hand while, the other was trying to get loose the leads connected to his chest. 

A rather large male nurse was standing not far from him; hands raised, in the universal sign of surrender. 

“What’s going on?” Felicity asked, passing the nurse getting closer to Oliver. 

He seemed lucid enough, but he looked like he could need to sit down soon, as he kept swaying. 

“Fine! Everything’s fine, I don’t need anything to calm me down, I’m fine.” 

Oliver’s voice came down to a whisper at the end, as he moved his eyes from the nurse to Felicity. 

His eyes were hard, but underneath there was anxiety shining through. He’d been spoked and now he felt cornered, Oliver never reacted well to that. 

“Okay, so why are you standing here with your butt hanging out, yelling at the staff.” She tried to smile at him to diffuse the anger that was radiating from him. 

“Uh… I just…Please Felicity, let’s go home?” The begging would have been enough for her to comply with his wishes, but the way he was swaying made her think it was a bit early to break him out of there. 

“Listen, why don’t you lie down while we talk this through?” She was buying time and Oliver knew, his head hanging in defeat. 

He dragged the IV pole with him and sat down on the bed, but refused to actually lie down as she’d requested. 

She waved the nurse out of the room as she was about to try and reason with Oliver. 

“Did you know they gave me an antipsychotic? That they still want me to take one? I’m not crazy Felicity…” 

“What happened?” something had to have triggered the situation she’d just walked into. 

“I just, tried to sleep; you know what happens when I sleep Felicity...” His avoidance tactics were always spectacularly obvious. He didn’t even want to say it out loud. 

“Yeah…I’m sorry.” 

There was always a few moments of confusion for him when he woke from one of his nightmares. The nurses must have tried to intervene, and he’d probably reacted badly to it, making them want to give him something to calm him down.

But Oliver was scared of being drugged. He was scared of not being able to be in control of his surroundings, afraid he’d have trouble waking up, being stuck in his hellish dreams. 

“Please, can’t we just go home? I’ll take the antibiotics. I’ll do better at home, you know that:” 

And she did, she knew he’d be better off at home, but he was still too sick for her to take responsibility for him. The pneumonia was still affecting his lungs in a significant way. It was out of the question to risk his health. 

“You know we can’t Oliver, but I’ll stay with you. I’ll explain to them.”

Oliver looked down at his lap, if he’d hadn’t come as long as he had in the few months since they’d left Starling he’d have left already. He had a way of ignoring advice but he seemed to be listening to her. 

Sighing he triggered another coughing fit, his arm coming up to hug his chest. 

Felicity didn’t know what else to do but to step up closer to him, rub his back while she told him how sorry she was. He leaned into her, seeking out her comfort. 

“Everything okay?” Dr. Wilson was back. Felicity turned and smiled while Oliver chose to ignore the word and keep his head firmly pressed into her stomach. 

“Yes, he’s just growing a bit restless, he’s used to moving, a lot…more, and so this kind of happens, and so, he’s fine really. Just, you know, space…needing some space?” 

Felicity swore she had a master’s degree from MIT, but speaking in full sentences and making a logical argument was sometimes hard. 

“Mister Queen? Is it okay to call you Oliver? We’ve meet a couple of times already but we’ve not really been introduced.” Wilson stepped closer as Oliver let go of Felicity and shook the man’s hand. 

“Yeah, call me Oliver. I’m sorry….for the other night.” It was obvious Oliver was in full avoidance mode again. 

“No worries, it turned out okay, you’re doing better, in a few days you’ll probably be ready to leave this place, though I’m hearing whispers that you’d like to leave right now?” 

“He’s not,” Felicity said before Oliver had the chance to say anything. 

“Good. What can we do to make this a bit easier for you Oliver? I’ve read you medical records that we got sent over from Starling General by the way, so I know what you’ve been through.”

Wilson shared a knowing look with Felicity, while Oliver just closed his. He really didn’t want a part of any of this. 

“Let me stay.” Felicity immediately said. 

“Of course, if that helps, you’re welcome to stay.” 

“No drugs,” Oliver chimed in, offended that they’d given him the heavy duty drugs. 

“Well, no unnecessary drugs, of course, but the other night we had to do something, you were out of control.” Looking at Oliver he continued,” You have PTSD Oliver, the fever, pneumonia, something triggered you, and we couldn’t get through to you before Felicity showed up.” 

Oliver looked down at the floor, refusing to take part in the conversation. 

Felicity didn’t know what to say. She didn’t think anyone had ever told Oliver to his face that he was suffering from post-traumatic stress, but who wouldn’t after what he’d been through?

It had been suggested, in his medical files when he first returned, that he’d be evaluated for it, but it hadn’t been commented on later on in his records. The horrors of torture he’d been through, were something he’d refused to talk about even then apparently, and no one had made him!

“I just need some time alone. It’s like a fishbowl in here, people everywhere, glass walls and doors.” Oliver’s voice was low, uncharacteristically soft spoken. 

“Alright, you’re obviously better, so the nurses can stop checking on you so often. But you need to sleep during the night, it’s okay to move and be up during the day, but your body and brain needs rest.” 

Dr. Wilson left, hopefully to get the nursing staff off Oliver’s back. 

 

!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!

 

Oliver felt cornered. After waking up from a violent nightmare for the second time he just flat out refused to stay in bed. Felicity had tried to convince him to try to sleep but she’d stopped trying after the second nightmare hit him. 

He’d been a good little patient all day, doing exactly as he’d been told. Walked around the ward lugging the IV pole along with him, eaten his food even if it tasted horribly, and he really didn’t have an appetite. 

“Sleeping pills are not going to help. I don’t have trouble falling asleep, I have trouble staying asleep.” He said to the very friendly looking, but annoying nurse, trying to push him into accepting a sleeping pill. 

“Okay, but you’re supposed to be resting. So no roaming the corridors,” she said as she left him alone. Felicity was just watching with a small smile on her face. 

“You know, arguing with the nurses is a sure sign of you getting better, maybe we’ll escape this place tomorrow?” 

Oh, how he loved his girlfriend in that moment. 

“Yes! Tomorrow we’re going home, I’m fine,” Oliver knew he was smiling broadly at Felicity by the way she smiled back at him. 

“I think we can persuade Dr. Wilson to spring you without signing out AMA, but we have to wait for daylight, so park it on the bed for a while, okay?” 

Sighing deeply Oliver knew he just had to keep it going for a few more hours. Then he would be out of this nightmarish place that made his demons reappear, in a way they hadn’t done in a long time. 

He lay down on his side, facing Felicity who shifted over to sit on the side of the bed.  
Her hand in his hair, rubbing his scalp was grounding him in the moment, keeping him there with her. Oliver had always slept better with her by his side, her light chasing away the darkness in him. 

Circling his arms around her he dragged her down in an awkward hug beside him on the bed. 

“Oliver! We can’t!” She hissed at him. But he ignored her and held her close, until she gave in and put her feet up on the bed, and snuggled closer to him. 

That was the way they were found on the morning rounds, Felicity in Oliver’s arms, both sleeping soundly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a very short sort of epilogue chapter left!  
> Thanks for reading:-)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the Kudos and Comments! Last very short, sort of Epilogue;-).

The first week after Oliver was discharged from the hospital he was restless and anxious. He was doing better being at home, still coughing, but his health was steadily improving. 

Oliver haunted the house at nighttime, still not able to sleep through the night. Felicity tried to be there for him, but knew he had to take his time to return to his normal, whatever that was. 

She did find him in the strangest places, asleep, on the couch, in the kitchen sitting by the counter with his head resting on his arms, on the rug in front of the fireplace. 

When she found him sitting in the corner of their bedroom, sleeping with is back against the wall, she got up to wake him. His neck would most definitely hurt in the morning. 

“Oliver…” she whispered, sitting down in front of him her legs crossed, waiting for him to wake up. 

When he didn’t stir she grabbed his ankle gently, a safe place to touch him in case he’d react badly to touch. “Oliver, seriously…”

He opened his eyes at that, sleepy and confused, he’d been sleeping that deeply sitting up!

“Hi, what are you doing Oliver?” Felicity’s question made him look even more confused, adorably so. 

“I’m…um, sleeping?” He answered sheepishly. 

“Yeah, you’re sleeping sitting up in the corner of our bedroom…What’s up with that?” 

“Oh, I just…um, I was sort of restless and didn’t want to wake you up. I was just going to sit here for a while, until I got tired enough to go back to sleep and then I…didn’t…I guess.”

“Why didn’t you wake me up? I could have stayed up with you.” 

“You need your sleep, I’m fine, please don’t worry about me.” Oliver’s eyes were pleading with her to leave this alone. She knew he’d felt exposed and vulnerable at the hospital and he needed to get his equilibrium back. 

“I know, but maybe you should talk to John…I called him you know, when they put you on the ventilator, that night, I called him.”

Oliver looked down at the floor, not willing to meet her gaze. 

“He said you have his number. Maybe he could help you…post-traumatic stress, you do have that you know.” They’d never really broached the subject; it had been some sort of mutual understanding between them not to talk about it. Ridiculous really, since they now shared a bed, a house and a future together. 

Oliver leaned his head back, his head hitting the wall with a small thud in the darkness. With a deep sigh he reached for Felicity and puller her closer, her back against his chest. 

She could feel him breathe, and his warmth, his chin came to rest on her shoulder. 

“Maybe I will call him some day, but I’m just not ready yet.”

“Okay.” 

Felicity rested her hand on his neck, pulling his head towards her as she turned and kissed his cheek. 

She could wait until he was ready; they had all the time in the world.

**Author's Note:**

> English isn't my first language, and I'm sorry for any mistakes I've overlooked.  
> I can't seem to be done with Oliver as the incredibly strong yet vulnerable character that he is::-)  
> Thanks for reading. Feedback is appreciated, just be gentle, as I'm not really a writer.


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